Skinny is as skinny does...whatever

If you haven't been over to Barefoot Foodie's Blog lately you need to go check it out. You have to read the letter she wrote to Marie Claire mag regarding an article published about (gasp!) "fatties". Her response to the tripe that magazine puts out is fabulous. They would be fools not to publish it, especially after the response Brittney's letter got. I'm telling you now, if you've ever struggled with your weight, looked in the mirror and not liked what you see or even if you have a "supermodel" (gag) body, her post is a must read.
HOWEVER, the post is NOT what prompted me to write today. It was actually the video she posted the next day. This is Brittney and her cute as pie hubby having a discussion with her lovely readers about the effect her size has on her hubby's life. I made my Superman watch it with me. Not because I wanted to say "SEE! That's there's a good man!" I knew my darling hubby would get a kick out of the whole thing. It happens to be the same discussion we have ALL THE TIME!
Our little talks go something like "Love of my life, your size has no bearing on my life except for the unhappiness that it brings you. It makes me feel bad when you cry in the fitting room or when you don't want to go out on a date because you don't like the way you look."
In the video I believe the words Brittney's hubby used were "I just wish you would adore yourself as much as me and the kids do." Awwwwww! (sigh and maybe a little tear).
Now, you wanna hear something really effed up? I am SO DEEP in my own self-loathing that although it does temporarily warm my toes to hear Superman say such sweet things, I really don't believe him. I WANT to believe him. I KNOW that he wouldn't say it if he didn't mean it but I FEEL like he's pretty much full of crap. Hmmmmm.....howz little confession sound? Crazy, I know but that's just the way it is. I mean, how could he adore me? I look like hell! And I'm snappy and bitchy and tired all the time. I don't resemble in any way the cute, skinny girl he once knew. (ok somewhat) skinny cuz let's face it, we all know this is something I've been battling a long time.
So, to end this little rant let me tell you what's been rolling around in my brain since I watched Barefoot Foodies MOST AWESOME video:
#1 Watch the video. You will relate. I promise.
#2 I love food. I really do. Food is the main component in some of the best memories of my life. It tastes good. It makes me happy. Gets the endorphins flowing if you know what I mean. It's not an addiction. I don't hide in the closet and binge on ding dongs. I can very easily skip a dessert or turn down a chocolate bar but I LOVE to entertain my friends, my family. I love sitting at the table, watching the people around me thoroughly enjoy what I've prepared and how crappy would that be to sit at the same table picking at my lettuce and tomato with fat-free dressing on the side while everyone else is stuffing themselves sick. I actually have a plaque in my entry that says "Come often, laugh lots, eat much." It's kinda our motto.
#3 I got bad genes. Now come on, no eye rolls, it's true. I got 'em. Most of the people in my family struggle with their weight. There's no one in my close immediate family that is just naturally skinny. We all gotta work at it, HARD. What can I do? Have them sliced out? Get gastric bypass which to me is EXTREME to say the least?
I've decided to change my goals a little bit. I think I'm going to attack my weight issues from a different angle. I got a new attitude, you might say. I will eat what I want, when I want. I will eat when I'm hungry. I will not feel bad about it. Feeling bad about eating what I want equals feeling bad about me.
Now don't get me wrong, I will exercise. I will use portion control. I will taste everything. I will eat slowly and I will stop eating when I'm full. I will consider low-fat options in my cooking but only if it doesn't make my food taste like garbage. I will skip dessert only cuz that's easy for me and if I do want dessert, I'll have a little. SO WHAT!
I think the most important message I received from that Goddess of the blog, Barefoot Foodie, is that I am not alone. There are literally THOUSANDS of women out there JUST LIKE ME. The women that are on our tv's and our magazine are exceptions. They do not represent the bigger, wider world of normal, everyday, hardworking women. I really believe that most of THOSE women (haha) are as consumed with food and weight as I am. Just not in the same way. And they probably aren't as happy as I am most of the time. Really, who am I to say. But I know when I was at my lowest weight, I spent more time exercising and worrying about what I put in my mouth and how many calories I'd tallied than was necessary or normal. And I enjoy my life a lot more now that I'm not doing that anymore.
What I need to do most of all is focus on the things about myself that I like. The things my children see, the things my sweethearts sees. I need to learn to "adore myself" as much as they do. I need to learn to love myself as I am, skinny or not and if I never get down to the size that Marie Claire thinks is appropriate or beautiful at least I can say I thoroughly enjoy my life, every part of it. I've got the love of a great man, great children, many many girlfriends who struggle just like me and while the skinny girls are at the gym, we'll all be sitting at my house laughing lots and eating much!