Update!!!

Hey everybody! Um...about my post yesterday...i was feeling a little bit...um...fragile. I didn't mean to alarm anyone (Mom, Stephanie). I had just found myself in a very bad place emotionally that I haven't been to in a long long time. I didn't handle it well. I'm a little embarrassed. My first thought was to delete the post but that's just not cool to throw a piece of myself out there to you all and then just snatch it back.

So it's Wednesday morning and I must say, I'm feeling a whole lot better. Ahem...anyone else wanna take a ride on this crazy train? Or maybe a roller coaster would be a better description for the last 24 hours of my life.

My superman showed up at home last night. He wasn't supposed to be home until the end of the week. I was in my closet hanging up some things and turned around to find a big dark man standing in my bathroom. I'm surprised the neighbors didn't call 911 cuz I screamed really loud. When it finally registered that it was Superman standing there, covered in dirt and smelling like diesel fuel, grinning like a mad man, I ran into his arms and then burst into tears.

It's the first time I've laughed out loud in days. It felt good and I saw this little ray of sunshine peek out from behind the clouds that have been circling in my atmosphere.

I never thought I was the type of person who's world could revolve around a man. I was single for a long long time and even though I WANTED a significant other, I didn't really NEED a significant other. So it's amazing to me how content I am when Superman is home. And I am disappointed in myself that I can fall apart so quickly when he is gone.

Anywho, I am still here. I know this is depression that I'm feeling and I know that this goes beyond the realm of what is normal sadness but today is better than yesterday. I am still extremely fragile. My cracks are showing and a part of me knows that it wouldn't take much to break me. But I have my Superman. I have my wonderful kids. I have my family and my friends (who by the way made it perfectly clear to me yesterday that I will never have to go through this life alone). And I've decided that I'm not quite ready to see a doctor yet but I'm gonna change my eating habits and start a good exercise regimen beginning today. I'm going to talk about my feelings more and not bottle them up inside. I'm going to make a list of the things in my life that I am thankful for and post it above my treadmill so I can look at it everyday and I'm going to get better.

I'll take my ray of sunshine today and maybe tomorrow it will be fair to partly cloudy. Hopefully soon, I'll be myself again. But I just wanted to take a moment to thank you, you know who you are, for being there for me when I need you. To point out to me the things that are important or just allow me to cry on your shoulder. I am truly thankful and I am truly blessed.