Merry Christmas from our Winter Wonderland to Yours!

Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!

Sleigh Bells Ring....Are ya listening?
In the Lane...Snow is Glistening.
A Beautiful Sight! We're Happy Tonight....

Driving 3 hours through the winter wonderland, risking life and

limb in order to get to a city with a mall!

Yes! This is Superman and I at the beginning of our road trip to the bright lights and big city in order to load up on presents for the kiddies because it is now only 7 days to Christmas and we haven't bought a single present! We panicked! Come hell or blowing blizzard we were going to finish (or start and then finish) our Christmas shopping.

45 Minutes into the trip. Pretty, huh?
1 hour to go! Isn't this beautiful! I'm still fairly calm at this point. The snow is lovely! Everything is clean and white and covered with pillows of big fluffy snow! Gorgeous!

I don't know if you can see the road but it's a good thing we had trees on either side or we wouldn't have known if we were on the road or not. Still beautiful! We are toasty warm, we are laughing and talking and listening to the radio. I try not to let on that my palms are starting to sweat, I'm having heart palpitations and it's getting harder and harder to laugh at Superman's silly banter. JUST KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE ROAD, HONEY!

A few minutes later. The vague black shape in front of us is the tanker truck that we were following down the mountain. At this point, Superman is telling me to just keep taking pictures. He says it's keeping me calm and he doesn't want me to start freaking out. I think it's really because he wants to be sure that the last moments of our lives are documented for our loved ones. I know he is thinking about a park ranger finding us frozen solid in our car off the side of the road after spring thaw. I'm seeing images of our frozen bodies lovingly holding on to each other in our last moments, our frozen fingers intertwined for eternity. Morbid, I know but at this point I'm thinking it's a real possibility. And then...

We are down. We stop at the nearest gas station for hot bevs, the satellite is playing Christmas jingles, people are bustling in and out on their way to wherever it is they go and the sheer terror of five minutes ago is completely forgotten. We spend the rest of our day shopping non-stop, eating at the food court and trying to forget that on the way home we get to do this drive again, only this time it will be dark!

All I can say is...our kids are spoiled! They better go into complete and utter ecstasy at the opening of every gift and I better hear the words "That was the best Christmas ever! I got everything I've ever wanted and more! Thank you, parental units! Thank you! We love you more than the world!"

Blah blah blah blah....blogs

Geez! Is it possible? 20 posts! 20! And I have blog block! I thought I had so much to write about! There are days when I'm in my car or making dinner or even having a conversation with someone and WHAM! INSPIRATION!!! and I immediately start writing my post in my head. And I get so frustrated that I'm not sitting at my computer, that I can't put my thought provoking and earth shattering visions down for the world to read. I find myself at the computer the next day and the words are gone. The spell has passed and what I wanted to say just sounds stupid. So here I am. Blog 20. With nothing to say....(sigh)

By the way, my brother came out to Vernal with his family to stay with me last weekend! I don't think it had anything to do with my last post but when he arrived the first thing he did was give me a hug and tell me how much he loves me. I (of course) started to cry and told him I loved him back but not to say it again because I didn't want to start bawling like a baby. This only made him repeat it to me four or five times until we both started to giggle. And IT WAS AWESOME! And I am happy.

So...blog 20... let's see...20 what?...20 people I love? 20 things I'm thankful for? 20 things about me? I don't know...ummmm....

1. I have the most beautiful nieces and nephews in the world. Not biased cuz they're family beautiful...I'm talking the cover of Baby Beautiful Magazine BEAUTIFUL! All of them. Good genes (hee hee).

2. All of my siblings have married fantastic people. Their perfect mate. I don't know how they did it with the dysfunction around us but we all did a bang up job of choosing THE ONE!

3. Everyone of my girls are just REALLY GOOD GIRLS! No drama, no trouble, no midnight phones calls, good grades, good friends. (I better knock on wood right now because after what I put my mother through, I don't deserve it.)

4. I have managed to learn through experience all of the job skills and life lessons that I need to get paid excellent money, doing exactly what I want to do. No college for this girl. School bored me to tears but I can kick any CPA's butt any day of the week! YEAH BABY!

5. I regret not applying myself more in school cuz I really could have gone anywhere and done anything but the School of Hard Knocks seems to be more of what I was destined for and I am a better person for it.

6. My grandma Bobbie is the most wonderful Grandma in the whole world. She is beautiful, she can be very blunt and sometimes I think she's a bit judgmental but she gives the best hugs, she's always cheerful, she's the strongest person I know and her sugar cookies are the best in the entire world.

7. My mom is FUNNY! And FUN! My cousins call her "crazy Aunt Judy" and it's meant as a compliment. She does and says exactly what she wants. She dances to the beat of her own drum. Sometimes she drives me INSANE but I am so proud of her and I wouldn't trade her for any mom in the world.

8. When I was little I just knew I was secretly a Disney Princess and that someday all my wishes would come true. I have prayed and wished so long for so many things and not gotten them that I think God is now making up for lost time and fulfilling my dreams all at once.

9. My bosses are hard-drinking, fun loving, family first, Planet Vernal good ol' boys and I LOVE working for them. I have the best job in the world.

10. Is anyone still reading this?

11. I'm sure you get sick of hearing me talk about how wonderful my superman is but he REALLY IS WONDERFUL! Really.

12. I have TRULY forgiven my stepfather for being such a DICK to me for so many years. It feels good to forgive him. Now I just feel sorry for him.

13. Disneyland is my favorite place on the planet. It really is the happiest place on earth! I would move there if I could and live in Cinderella's castle. I would ride on Pirates of the Caribbean three times every day.

14. I want a fabulous fairy tale wedding but I don't want to plan it AT ALL! Does anyone have fairy godmother I can borrow?

15. Superman and I have picked out the house we will live in, the cars we will drive, the animals we will own and the place we will move to WHEN we win the lottery.

16. Just in case we fail to win the lottery, Superman's head is CHOCK FULL of great ideas for our own business and we are currently working on making at least one of them become a reality.

17. I have never been a dreamer, but Superman is a dreamer and he is starting to convert me.

18. I used to be really active in the LDS faith but I find as I am getting older that 1. God is with me everywhere I go, not just at church. 2. He loves me no matter what and 3. as long as I STRIVE to be a good wife and mother, treat ALL people with kindness, compassion, forgiveness and love and am always honest that I will be just fine when I leave this world.

19. It took me a long time to come to the conclusion that I am a good person whether or not I fall into the "box o' goodness" that the LDS church wants me to live in. I KNOW I made the right decision by CHOOSING to live with my Superman so we could bring his children over to live with us. I prayed long and hard about it. GOD AND I HAVE AN UNDERSTANDING. I am where I am supposed to be.

20. And yes!....WHEW...we are at twenty! And for starting out this post with nothing to say, this post is hella long. Sorry about that.

Saved

When I was a kid my family and our extended family rented a houseboat and spent a few days at Lake Powell in Southern Utah. We fished, suntanned, hiked and swam with our cousins and we had a ball.

Then one morning as we were anchored on the shore, my twin brother and my cousins were running around on the steep red rock that dropped straight into the lake. My brother slipped into the water. There was nothing for him to grab onto and he didn't know how to swim. He panicked and began flailing frantically. This only pushed him further out to deeper water.

I remember being on the houseboat and hearing his screams. My blood froze in my veins and my breath stopped as I looked out and saw him go under the water again and again, each time he stayed under a little bit longer. I stood on the deck of that boat completely helpless, frozen and staring, knowing that my brother was about to die. And I couldn't do anything to stop it.

My uncles ran from shore, jumped in the water and pulled him to safety. I stood there gripping the railing with white knuckles, watching the rescue, shaking from head to toe, unnoticed in all the commotion. The whole thing probably happened in minutes but in my memory it played out over an eternity.

He was okay. My brother was safe. I could tell from the nervous chuckles coming from the adults nearby. But I was forever changed.

My brother and I were raised for the most part by my stepfather. He didn't love us. He resented us and he didn't really want us around. He spent the majority of our childhood punishing us for being alive. It wasn't my mother's fault. I know she is going to read this and cry and Mom, that is not my intention, I love you with my whole heart and you did the very best you could do. My mom worked swing shift and she was gone a lot. And my stepfather was a liar. My mom never knew what went on.The punishment was RARELY physical, but that man could get into your head like nobody else. His cruelty knew no bounds.

Now that I am an adult and can look back and dissect it without crawling under the covers and screaming into my pillow, I realize that my brother got the brunt of it. He was my stepfathers mental punching bag. I realize that the largest part of my childhood was spent standing at the railing of that boat, watching my brother suffer and I couldn't do anything about it. I realize all of my fear and rage stems from the fact that I couldn't save my other half. All I could do was stand there frozen and watch.

How I wish I could have had the courage to stand up for him ONE TIME. To tell ANYBODY. To tell my stepfather to just GO TO HELL! I wish I could have just jumped into that water and SWAM with everything I had in me and pull my brother to safety. Maybe then, as adults, my brother could bear to look me in the eye. Maybe then, he would want to be around us more.

Does he blame me? Does he ever resent me that he got it worse than me? Is that why I hardly see or talk to him now? Or is it because when we see each other, it all comes back. Maybe not in-your-face-step-dad-in-the-room back, but subconsciously we look at each other and we see me on the boat and him fighting for his life in that deep dark water. Is it my own guilt that has put this wedge between us? Will we ever be close again in our lifetime?

I know one thing that hasn't changed is how much I love him. I still dream about him. I still giggle when I think about how shy he was and that I did all the talking for him. My mom says that one time she put my hair in pigtails and painted my fingernails. He was quite hurt that he didn't get the same so she fixed his hair and painted his nails and took us out to Glades Drive In for a burger. The two of us were just tickled pink that we were the same.


I am so DAMN HAPPY that he has found the perfect wife and that she is so good to him. It makes me proud that he was able to overcome so much and be such a good, big hearted family man. My sister-in-law tells me how much he loves his children and how, underneath all his tattoos and his gruff exterior, he still has a sensitive and loving heart. He has found someone else to be his other half and she completes him perfectly.

But I miss you, brother. We've been together since CONCEPTION dude! Don't you miss me too? Come out to Planet Vernal and SEE ME. Let's HANG OUT and TALK like we used to. Tell me about your kids and your job and your wonderful wife. Tell me about your motorcycle and how much you LOVE IT! Tell me everything. I want to know. I want to hear it from YOU! Come and get to know my superman and meet your fabulous new nieces! You'll love them, I know it!

Our experience with the stepdad-from-hell SUCKED! But it's over now and we've both been SAVED! Saved by our own power, our own resilience. What happened only made us better! Better parents, better partners and better people. So ENOUGH! Get your ass out here! Your big sis (by 1/2 an hour, hee hee) needs her brother.

Walkabout

This is Superman and Cleo on our daily (I wish, but we try) walk. About 2 blocks from our house is a dirt trail through the cedar and sage brush. At the top of the trail is an amazing view of the mountains on all sides and the town nestled down in the basin. It's breathtaking! We can let Cleo off her leash and she runs and jumps through the cedar like a wild animal let out of a cage! It's thrilling to watch. If I could keep up, I would be running with her.

Just left of that silly little tree in the foreground is my house as seen from halfway up the trail.

This is it! This is the spot where I look around me and I take a deep breath and I thank God that I am here. That my Superman is at my side. That my Cleo is so happy and beautiful. That my home down below contains my gorgeous and wonderful children and that for the first time in my life, I am truly content. That I have FINALLY crawled through my tunnel o' crap and made it out the other side to THIS! Of course, Superman has no idea that all of this is going through my head right now. That the ear to ear smile on my face is pure joy and that I just feel so DAMN GOOD! But that's OK! It's so good to just FEEL it!



The icing on the cake...a full moon to light our way home. I wish I had the poetic talent to describe this moment (like you, Magpie...you're fabulous) but I don't. I'll just let Tom Petty and these pics do it for me.

Full Body Armor Required

Planet Vernal is an oilfield planet. Pretty much 100% of the people who live here either work in the oilfield, work for an oilfield company or know someone who does. The work is hard, most of the time, the hours are long and the money is really good.

Superman works on a drilling rig. He is part of a 5 man crew that drills a "surface hole". They drill a few thousand feet into mud and rock and when they reach a certain depth they move to a new location and a larger rig sets up and takes over where they left off. Aside from the long hours, the muddy dirt roads, the poisonous gas, the rattlesnakes, the snapping chains, the heavy pipe and machinery and the breaking down equipment, it's a pretty safe job.

Every morning (usually about 4am) I get out of bed, fix Superman's breakfast, enjoy a cup of coffee with him and then send him off to face his 16 hour day. This is something I HAVE TO DO. Not because he makes me but because I can't go back to sleep unless I know I've kissed him goodbye, told him to be safe and said "I love you." It's my prayer of protection for him. My ritual of the heart.

It used to be really hard to let him go but after years of sending him off in the same way, it's gotten to be routine. It's what we do everyday. And even though it's easier than it used to be, I still feel anxious when he goes. I still can't wait for him to come home so I can kiss him again and say a prayer of thanks that he is home safe and sound.

Thankfully, most days they just drill. This means that they spend the majority of their day cleaning and maintaining the rig while they send pipe into the hole. When the pipe gets to a certain point they connect another pipe and go back to what they were doing until it's time to make another connection. Occasionally this leaves them time to pursue other activities such as...

Yes, this is the inside of a port-a-potty. Just in case you've never seen one. Fascinating isn't it?

He's not sleeping. He's daydreaming...about me.

These are the good days. When Superman sends me a text message saying "we're just drilling today". As long as he doesn't step on a rattlesnake while eating cheetos, on his way to the Port a Potty then he will probably be just fine.

But sometimes bad things happen even on drilling days. This gigantic hole in the ground is from an explosion. This is what happens when the gas under the earth builds up in the hole and can't get out any other way. When this happened the explosion actually picked up the rig and moved it, sending mud, rock, pipe and debris flying through the air. Thank God no one got hurt. But it's days like this that remind me that Superman's days are NEVER routine. To always be aware that even on the most mundane of days, my Superman is always in danger. THAT is why I haul my butt out of bed at 4AM to fix his breakfast and kiss him goodbye.

Superman is always coming home with bruises from one mishap or another and since he is a big guy and he is really strong it seems like he is always in the most dangerous place, doing the most dangerous thing at any given time. I guess that is what super heroes do but I HATE IT! Believe me, I am NO LOIS LANE. Superman can retire at any time. Someone else can fight the good fight and he can come home and just let his girls give him a pedicure. And as appealing as that may be to him, he insists that slaying the car payment, keeping us from freezing to death during the 20 below Vernal winters and single handedly holding up the roof over our heads is more important.

Then...yesterday a chain snapped. This caused a large metal chain tong to swing around and hit Superman in the thigh. If he had not been my "man of steel" it would have snapped his leg. As it was, the hit was so hard and the pain of the blow so severe that it knocked him unconscious.

He says that he was dreaming he was on the beach surrounded by beautiful bikini clad women serving him Pina Coladas and awoke to find the entire motley drill crew surrounding him instead. Talk about a rude awakening.

He's OK. I don't know how but he is. He limped home and he even limped to work the next day but it SCARED me and it SCARED his crew. When I think about what COULD have happened. If the Tongs had been a bit higher or had hit him any harder...it's just unthinkable. But for Superman...and the rest of the crew, who are his friends, who have families of their own, it is just another day. It's just their job. Too often I hear about some horrible accident happening to someone out there and my first thought is always "Thank God it wasn't his rig" and then I wonder about the guys wife and kids.

So THANK YOU SUPERMAN for going out there and slaying the oilfield dragon for us everyday. Someday soon (please God, let it be sooner than later) we can retire to a beach somewhere and you can be served real Pina Coladas by real bikini clad women. You can just relax and SLEEP LATE every morning and I will still kiss you and fix you breakfast. The oilfield dragon will be dead at last (at least in our world) and you can just sit back and enjoy the rewards.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!

HOPE YOU ALL HAD A HAPPY HALLOWEEN! I know we did! Me and Superman took LT around the neighborhood and she got a truckload of candy. I am so sick from chocolate overload that I don't think I ever wanna see a Reese's PB Cup again. Even with our leftover candy and the TONS of candy LT brought home, it is all pretty much gone. Less than 3 days after Halloween and the candy is HISTORY! The sugar high is over and we are all just blobs, chocolate blobs that can't do anything more than push the buttons on the remote control.

But here are some Halloween pics of the oh so adorable and kinda scary Little Tomato.

This something LT has wanted to do to her sister for some time.

B2 and her posse getting ready to go to the Halloween Dance.

IZ and her gang also went to the dance but she got ready to go at her friends house and no one thought to take a single picture. Bummer.

New Zealand Nan

The girls "Nan" came over from New Zealand on a church tour a couple of weeks ago. She hasn't seen them in over two years so we made a special trip up to Salt Lake City to spend some time with her. Isn't she adorable? The little lady in the pink on the right is her friend and they were both absolutely lovely. She has the cutest Maori accent and is SO FUNNY. Her and her friend told stories, caught us up on the gossip and giggled like little girls the whole time.

I was really worried that things would be awkward, with her being Superman's EX Mum-in-law and all but it really wasn't. I loved that she introduced him as her son to all of her friends and that he still calls her Mum. He was quite touched and it made me proud that she still admires and loves him so much. He will always be her son and that just shows you how much grace and class this fabulous woman has.

Nan was so happy to see her girls. She couldn't believe how much they've grown and changed. She couldn't get over how much B2 looked like her mom and that LT is as tall as she is (which wasn't much of a stretch cuz Nan is SO TINY). The girls doted on their Nan and were overjoyed to see her.

It was an evening full of smiles and laughter and the time went by much too fast. She left the next morning for VEGAS BABY! (just the thought of those two tearing it up in Vegas makes me giggle) and then on to L.A. and then back to NZ. My only regret is that we didn't have more time with her. Maybe someday we can bring her over to Planet Vernal and then the girls won't have to share her with the church tour.

She really was a fantastic lady. Every wonderful thing the girls told me about her was true and then some. We can't wait until the big wedding in Australia to see her again.

My Kind of Man

OK! In case you haven't noticed, I've been a little depressed lately. Between the loss of my cat and the much too quickly impending loss of my little tomato, my blog has been a bit...weepy? So here's a little something just to lighten up the place a bit.

Hee Hee! He's gonna kill me but DAMN! THAT'S JUST TOO CUTE!!

Sorry Baby! I LOVE YOU!

Little Tomato Turns 11!!

I can't believe it. Our Little Tomato is 11 years old. When she came to stay with us, I never dreamed that she would spend a third birthday on Planet Vernal. She is such a miracle and brings me unending joy.

LT is so sweet and so so FUNNY! Oh my gosh, this kid can make me LAUGH! And she's GROWN so much since she's been here. She's almost as tall as me and wears the same size shoe. It's been so much fun to watch her change from a little girl into an almost young woman. She LOVES clothes and the color purple. She loves to dance, she loves to read and she's so SMART! Math is her favorite subject.

LT LOVES animals. She loves Animal Planet. She LOVES her cats and she has great empathy and compassion for anything hurt or wounded. I am worried that she will be some crazy cat lady when she grows up because she won't turn anything away.

The most important people in LT's life right now are her older sisters. She absolutely idolizes them and she tries to imitate EVERYTHING they do and say. Her sister Sydney, in Australia is an almost mythic figure in her life. All she has to do is hear Sydney's voice on the phone and she just radiates happiness. Anything Sydney says, does, likes, dislikes, loves instantly becomes gospel to LT.

And LT LOVES her daddy. He is her super hero. The righter of all her wrongs. She is constantly seeking his approval and almost always gets it. If daddy is happy, she is happy.

Our little tomato will be leaving us in February to go back to New Zealand and spend time with her mother. I know her mother must miss her very much but I still find myself praying that God will find SOME WAY for her to stay even though I know it's for purely selfish reasons. But my heart is breaking. I've been in denial that this moment would ever come and now it's getting closer and closer and I am almost desperate at the thought. I don't know if I can bear to part with her. I don't know how I can ever let her go.

LT, you are my sunshine. You are my slice of heaven here on earth. I have grown to love you more than I ever thought possible. I NEED you to know this. I NEED you to remember that here in this place, in our home, YOU ARE SO VERY LOVED. And we need your sunshine in our life every moment. We can't live without you. And my hope is that our time apart will be very short and that sometime in the near future we can figure out a way for you to be with us and still be able to spend all the time you want with your mum. Everyone wants you, everyone wants to be around you, everyone wants to stand in your light.

My fear is that you will forget me. That I will dim in the glow of your mommy's love. That you will doubt my love for you. PLEASE DON'T FORGET!!! It is OK to love me and your mommy too. There is nothing wrong with that. Don't ever feel like you have to choose. You are the daughter of your mommy and daddy by God and you are my daughter by heart. And I am SO PROUD of you. You are a wonderful person and such a good girl and I am so blessed to know you and help raise you and I can't wait to see who you turn out to be. February will be here too soon. Please don't forget me. I will still be here whenever you need me and I will always always love you.

Sometimes you just gotta let 'em BE

THIS is my precious girl, IZ. This pic was taken when she was 14 and she had just begun to test the bounderies of her individuality and personal style. She had just cut off her waist length, gorgeous red locks, thrown away the last pink hued article of clothing she would EVER wear and had decided that she wanted to be a punk rock star, stage name: Izzie Sparx.

I am totally cool with this. If my parents had spent less time trying to mold me into the person they thought I should be and spent more time just letting me BE then maybe I wouldn't have rebelled so hard. And then again maybe not. Who's to say? But I am proud that my girl has the courage to be who she wants and doesn't really care what other people think.

And then...

I picked my daughter up after a night spent with her friends and THIS is what I got. OMG and all that is holy WHAT DID YOU DO TO YOUR HAIR????!!!! Seriously People, I may have hyperventilated and then I cried. Yes. That is a Mohawk. Not a Faux Hawk. Not a wig. Not a Ha Ha, Just joking, I wish you could've seen the look on your face... A MOHAWK!!!!

And I thought I was so cool. So open-minded. I have a tattoo. I listen to cool music. I AM WITH IT, MAN! And I actually LIKE Mohawks. Just on other people. Not my baby. Not my precious little pumpkin who used to sing "It's our problem free ill oss a bee, acuma matata" at the top of her lungs.

Ok OK! It doesn't look that bad. And I am getting used to it. And IZ LOVES IT! And that is what is important but I guess what is really bugging me the most.... Iz and I have always had this special connection, this THING, this acceptance of one another, this ability to just let each other be and for one minute I became another person, this MOM that I hate! You know, the kind that won't let their kids play with the neighbors because their father rides a motorcycle and the mother smokes cigarettes. The kind that pulls their children to the other side of the sidewalk and shields their eyes when a gay couple comes strolling by.

ALRIGHT! I'm not that BAD!!! But how far is it before I cross that line. How far from "Making my daughter feel like shit because she got a Mohawk" to "You won't be listening to the devil's music in this house!"

I guess my point is this: IZ, I didn't mean it! I didn't mean to make you feel bad. I didn't mean to make you think I hated it, cuz seriously...you could shave your head bald and tattoo your face and I would still think you were the most beautiful creature on the face of the earth. And I don't EVER want you to be ANYONE other than WHO YOU ARE! And I want you to continue to test your boundaries and explore your world and try absolutely EVERYTHING! And I LOVE YOU, no matter what! NO MATTER WHAT!

And your hair will always grow back...right?

One Shining Moment

7 am Saturday morning. Superman and I are just lying in bed. Kids are still asleep and not knocking on our door. No television blaring the Disney channel from the next room. No dog to be let out. No chores yet to do. Just the two of us in each others arms, cozy under the covers on a cool Fall morning. The sun is just coming up and the room is just shadows and quiet.

We don't talk about the bills that need to be paid. We don't talk about work. We don't talk about the kids or the stuff that needs to be done before we leave town later that day. Sometimes we don't talk about anything at all, we just doze. But on this day, for whatever reason, Superman asks about some experience from my past and I just start talking. And it's just so good to talk and I don't feel afraid or embarrassed in his arms. Just whispering really, as his questions guide me through my story. Every once in awhile he plants a kiss on my forehead or I run my hand along his shoulder and I feel so safe. I think this is what they mean by "soul mates" because as we whisper, it seems that we are both feeling the same emotion, sharing the same experience.

The next time we get a chance like this, it may be me asking the questions and him doing the telling and we will laugh together and sigh together and sometimes even cry but the overall feeling of our stolen moment is bliss. This is when we shine. This time together is our reminder of how much we mean to each other. This is when we get to know each other better and even after years of togetherness there seems to still be so much to learn. And usually, just before the kids start yelling at each other or the dog starts barking, we fall asleep holding on to each other, feeling so loved.

Once we get up, all the other stuff comes crashing back in, get the car packed, take the dog to the kennel, fix breakfast, yell at the kids to GET OFF THE COUCH!! TURN OFF THE TV!!! WE HAVE TO GO!!! and Superman is irritating me because he's decided the car HAS to be washed before we go and the clock is ticking and we are behind schedule and then...I walk back into my bedroom and I see the rumpled sheets and I remember our moment...our shining moment...and I take a deep breath and I feel calm and happy and all of a sudden none of that other stuff seems important.

We get in the car and are FINALLY on the road and I'm smiling to myself as I think back on our morning together and I look over at Superman and he smiles back cuz he knows what I'm thinking about. The two of us store our moment away so that tomorrow we can take it back out when we are stressed out at work or the kids call cuz they've forgotten their lunch money and that memory will hold us, keep us sane, until a few days or weeks or months when we get our moment again.

I remember when I was 15 years old, I was sweeping the floor that separated the restaurant from the convenience store where I worked and this old couple walked out of the restaurant. The old woman was holding on to her husband's arm for support and they could only walk at a slow pace. When they got to the door, they noticed it was raining outside. I waited impatiently while the woman dug her rain bonnet out of her purse and started to put it over her hair. Her husband turned her so that she was facing him and proceeded to straighten the bonnet on her head and I stood there, mesmerized as he lovingly tied the bonnet under her chin. She just stared at him with this look of pure adoration. She radiated happiness. When he was done he looked into her eyes and gave her the most beautiful smile. Then he took her hand and the two of them walked out the door. They were so caught up in each other that they didn't even notice I was there.

I was completely blown away. I couldn't stop thinking about them. They LOVED each other so much and I remember thinking, I will never settle for anything less than that. I will never marry a man unless he can LOVE me and look at me that way even while doing something as insignificant as helping me tie my rain bonnet. It was one of the most beautiful experiences of my life.

And I know that they didn't spend every minute of every day just adoring one another. I'm sure they had bills to pay and grandkids driving them crazy and they have probably shared unimaginable grief and countless life experiences. She probably can't stand that he leaves toothpaste in the sink and he might hate the way she poaches his eggs but they STILL have their moments, those times when they simply shine. I was lucky enough to witness just one of those moments. I know now, that is what makes the difference between "as long as we can make it work" and "FOREVER".

I hope that 10, 20, 30 years from now we will never be too busy or too stressed out to spend an hour or two just lying in bed whispering to each other. That we will never run out of stories to share or kisses to give. I hope that when things get crazy we will have our moments to remind each other how much we care.

I just want to remind the people I love, especially Sydney and PC, who will be getting married soon, to always adore one another and take the time to let everything go for a few hours, just to get to know one another again. Tell each other the story again of how you met because even though you swear you know it by heart, he will share some part of that moment that will only make it richer and more precious. But most important, don't forget the little things...never ever be in too much of a hurry to stop and tie her rain bonnet. It's in those insignificant moments that we shine.

Dog Breath, Paw Prints, Slobber Kisses and Love at First Sight

Shortly after moving to Planet Vernal, Superman and I were traveling home after visiting our parents when we started discussing what kind of dog we wanted to get. I told him that my dream dog was an English Bulldog. I've wanted one for years and told myself that should I ever become a homeowner, I was going to get me one. $2500 price tag be damned! And seriously....isn't this the cutest damn thing you've ever seen?

Well, it turns out Superman wasn't much interested in the flat-nose, drooly, fat and grunting type. His favorite dog is a Corgie. Umm...I don't know...maybe it's cuz he's from New Zealand and Her Majesty, the Queen keeps Corgies but this is NOT the dog I pictured my Superman wanting. Then again, he knows from experience what great kids they make because he has owned two of them. And I had to admit...they are cute as buttons but I ask you to refer again to the picture above...I mean, come on...That's FREAKING ADORABLE!!!

Obviously a compromise is what was needed at this point and we started naming off dogs that we would consider in the place of our dream doggies, when I said "You know what would be really cool? A Great Dane! Well, my Superman just lit up and he said that he would LOVE to have a Great Dane. So we decided that Monday morning I would hop on the internet and start looking around for info and breeders and costs.

Not 30 minutes later we pull into a gas station for snacks and Superman says "PalagiGirl, look at the car next to us." I turn to my right and staring me straight in the face, so close I could have kissed them are two HUGE Great Danes. Are you kidding me? If that is not a sign from heaven, people, I don't know what is! We talked to the owner and asked her about their eating habits, their temperaments, how much they poop, how good they are while traveling, etc. Then she let us go with her to take them for a walk. By the time we got back to the car, we were head over heels in love with them.

On Monday morning, I started looking online for breeders and was not having much luck when the wife of my co-worker popped in to pick up her hubby for lunch. She saw the Great Danes on my computer and when I told her that I was looking, she says "Are you going to buy one from the breeders in Dinosaur?" My jaw just dropped! THERE IS A GREAT DANE BREEDER 20 MINUTES AWAY! My Superman didn't believe me when I told him. We drove straight there and they had ONE puppy left, ONE! That puppy was CLEO, our baby! We knew she was ours the minute we saw her. The stars had aligned and we could not ignore it. We bought her on the spot.

Now I ask you, have you ever seen any dog who is more beautiful? I am not biased, my friends, there is NO OTHER dog who is as gorgeous and sweet natured and gentle and loving as my baby girl, Cleo.

Cleo is a house dog. She loves to be where we are at all times. She LOVES her walks and she can wrestle the kids like a pro. I have never seen her snappy, I have never heard her growl and aside from her tail, which is like a giant whip, she wouldn't hurt a fly. When we moved into our new house, she wouldn't go up the stairs until we chased her up with the vacuum cleaner. Yes, our 150 pound baby is scared of the vacuum.

Cleo's favorite thing in the world is riding in the car. She can take a 4 hour trip without so much as a wimper. Before I got my Expedition she would either sit on the seat with the kids or on the floor at their feet but when I got my sunroof there was only ONE spot she wanted to be. This is what I look like driving down the street on Planet Vernal. If I don't open the sunroof for her she will butt her head against it until I do. Nothing like making a spectacle of myself and we literally stop traffic. The little kids just go crazy when they see her.

This is a picture of Cleo's gigantic lips blowing in the breeze as we are driving down the road. Believe it or not she has never slobbered on me yet. (I know you are all thanking me for that visual.)

What can I say except that to know her is to love her. She is so gentle, she loves kids, she loves hugs, she loves bones, she loves to wrestle and RUN! Our girl can run like the wind! She really really wants to make friends with the cats and even though they don't want anything to do with her, she just keeps trying.

She's scared to death of heights, stairs, vacuums, stores (trying to get her into Petsmart one day, she sat on her butt, planted her feet and there was NO MOVING her) but she can't wait to get into the vets office, go figure.

Even with her faults, she is the perfect dog, the perfect friend. She completes our family. I wouldn't trade all of the inconveniences and difficulties of having a big dog for anything. No dog could ever be as wonderful.

So one last shot, I know this post is "hella long" but too bad, it's my blog. This is my nephew and Cleo. He too has fallen victim to her charms. And this picture was just too too sweet not to show off.

Greetings from Planet Vernal

Welcome Earthlings! Just a quick visual tour of this strange and wonderful planet that I have managed to land myself and my family on. There really is no place in the universe quite like it. The creatures are strange, the people are stranger. We live two minutes from red rock and searing desert in one direction and mountain lakes, quaking aspens and bubbling streams in the opposite direction. It is BEAUTIFUL here any direction you turn.

In case it has escaped your attention, we live in the heart of Dinosaurland. Dinosaurs are everywhere on Planet Vernal including a rather large T-Rex in the center of town who insists on changing his outfit for every holiday. His fashion sense is...well...it tends to be a bit ridiculous. The cupid wings and bow and arrow he carries around in February are just downright poor taste. But he has a good personality and we citizens of Planet Vernal allow him his little eccentricities. It probably helps that he is rather large and has a mouthful of pointy sharp teeth. But I've had the opportunity to be around him for a few years now and I really think that if I insulted his fashion style he would probably just burst into tears and I would feel like an asshole. So Rexy Baby...if you're reading this...I love ya...bunny ears at Easter and all.

Please don't be alarmed! Rexy is not bearing down on my niece and nephew to gobble them up! I asked him repeatedly to step out of the shot but every time I would snap the picture he would jump back into frame. As you can see, he thought this was quite hysterical but my nephew and I were just annoyed with him.

This place is called Jone's Hole. It's a fish hatchery at the end of one of the most spectacular scenic drives I have ever taken. I took a truckload of pics. I wish I could post them all.

This is looking down into the "hole" for which it was named. The green clearing at the bottom is the actual hatchery and just beyond it is a hiking trail along the river. It is green, peaceful and one of the most beautiful places I have ever seen. As you drive in, there are sheer rock cliffs with waterfalls, cedar and pine trees and breathtaking views.

Below is a pic of the girls taking a breather on the trail. We had the best time down here but I think my favorite part was when Superman almost stepped on a snake while taking a pee break and screamed like a woman. (Fun fact: there are no snakes in New Zealand. I think snakes may be his kryptonite.)

These are petroglyphs done by the Fremont Indians about 8,000 years ago. (Impressive, huh?) These were taken in Nine Mile Canyon, which is stretch of dirt road that is actually about 70 miles (ahem...after hours of driving out of this place, I'm thinking they should really think about a new name). But it's definitely worth the drive.

We drove down into high rock walls on every side and the writing was EVERYWHERE you looked. It was really amazing. But the cool thing was, it was really, really quiet down there. Like eerie quiet. You felt like you were being watched the whole time and there was NO ONE down there but us. And just to up the creepy factor, we put my Great Dane, Cleo, on her leash and my baby LOVES her walks but as we stepped into the cliffs, she FREAKED OUT! She pulled right out of her collar and ran back to the car and no matter what we did, she would not get out. It was really weird. I'm sure she sensed something we didn't but being oblivious to what was probably the spirits of Native American warrior guardians or something equally bad, we just wandered around down there for hours. Thankfully, we got out of there with no rocks falling on our heads or rattlesnakes in our path or any other revenge the Fremont's might want to inflict. But the place practically screams at you to tread lightly, show respect and just stand in awe and that's exactly what we did.

As for the native people of Planet Vernal, you will never meet a more eclectic and fun planet of people in your life. After growing up in a place actually nicknamed "Happy Valley", which by the way is predominately Mormon (this is not a bad thing), coming to Planet Vernal was a bit of a culture shock. Where I came from, the people you worked with, hung out with, did business with were the people you went to church with. And people you didn't go to church with, you didn't really know. But here, everybody knows everybody and not one person has ever asked me if I'm L.D.S. NOT ONE! Cuz they don't care. Everybody is friendly and happy, the gossip is fantastic, the BBQ's are frequent, every afternoon is beer-thirty, the funny never stops and nobody cares where you come from, what you do for a living or how much money you have. This is the only place I've ever lived where you can't tell the millionaires apart from the middle class. On Planet Vernal, you can go to a party and never even know that the man you've spent all night hanging out with just sold a plot of land down the road for 5 millions dollars, cuz seriously...nobody cares. On Planet Vernal, everybody is equal, everybody gets a second chance if they do something stupid and everybody is just "good people".

So I would encourage you all to come visit us. It's truly a remarkable place. You won't regret it. Bring your mountain bikes or rent a river raft in the summer and I promise you will see sights you never thought you'd ever see or even existed.

And don't forget to say hi to Rexy before you go!

Curiosity really DOES kill the cat!

Our precious Luda Passed Away September 27, 2008

I know what you're all thinking....Oh my gosh, it's just a cat! But for us, Luda wasn't just a cat! She brought us happiness and laughter and we LOVED her. She was hit by a car and managed to make it home to her family before passing away. And our hearts are broken.

Now here is what I don't understand...I have seen dozens of cats on or near the road in my lifetime and I have managed to avoid hitting EVERY SINGLE ONE of them. So all I can figure out is that 1) the guy driving the truck intentionally swerved to hit my cat (in which case I hope you step on a fire ant hill wearing nothing but your underwear) or 2) he was doing Mach 90 down my street and didn't see her in time to avoid her (in which case, I still curse you but you can be wearing socks with your underwear). Either way, I am devastated and my children are broken hearted. Even Superman has shed tears for our precious friend.

Luda, you have left a hole in our family that can never be filled. My sock basket where you used to sleep is too empty, the thumping and tinkling bell we heard every night, you nocturnal little beast, is silenced forever and WE LOVE YOU and WE MISS YOU and we hope you are so happy in heaven because even though you never caught a single mouse, you shed on the furniture, you climbed up my curtains and you beat up on Cris every day, you were a good little kitty and your fate was not deserved.

P.S. I found this little pink paper this morning after the kids had caught the bus and I was leaving for work. Looks like my little tomato said it best:

Translation: Luda, I love you so so so much. Please make a sign on the paper so I know you love me too. If you do then give me a sign so I know that you will be with me forever and God, please make sure Luda is in your safety. Yes or No. Sign Please!

R.I.P our precious Luda